So emotions are high. Im between a hard place and a rock. I have managed toget two kids out the door and they are doing well. I have another leaving soon. It is an awesome feeling. I really can not complain. But there is a problem. I thought that at this point in life I would be at the point where I could start to relax but life has a way of saying no way.
Last post was about my disdain for my husband. Really none of that would matter if I didn’t have two kids with him. My old self says pack up shop and run. But of course that is what I have always done. No plan just move and guess the next move. The only difference between this time and last time is. I know who I am now. I’m not a superhero, not trying to be everything. I’m me, simple and I like simple stuff. I like going on adventures and seeking out the unknown. I would love a journey partner. I’m sure there is someone out there. I’m just not willing to look. Sick of starting over and even more so I’m tried of having to carry the load. I want to have someone say I got this. Just relax. I want someone to think that I’m everything and not have to prove that point. I don’t need cash, cars, money, or any tangible thing. I need a match.
Multiple sclerosis has me so scrambled right now. Nobody understands and I don’t think anybody cares to understand. One step infront of the next. One thought at a time. Im a warrior, was not taught to seat and wait. I wish I was softer. I wish I could be dainty. But thats is not who I am. I love me just the way I am. There are things that could be better but after all who is perfect. Life for me has been hard. I wish it were different. Its not so I push on. Depression gets bad sometimes. So bad I cry for nothing. I think this is a major issue but I’m dealing.
Solution. Im exercising more. I got a new bike. I think I will put some miles on it. Life is just that life. I know that I’m not going back to how I use to be but my feet will not move forward so im standing here. Not sure of the next move. I do know I will not be running this time. One foot infront of the other.