Sitting in wait!

The worst thing a person can do is stay with a person they do not love. Love hate relationships are really tolerant and hate relationships. Not sure if life is long enough for that. It will not be butterflies and rainbows all the time but it should not be sadness everyday! Planning a long trip of alone time. Thoughts and health are out of sink.

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UPS AND DOWNS

So i tried the shots for my M.S., they were aweful and made me sicker. So i stopped cold turkey. I return to the thought that ever experience I have had was preparing me for this. I remember the first time I tasted lemon grass. A friend said it cleanses the body. It tasted like crap. I remember thinking I will eat right so i dont have to clease. I am normally pretty good with this. Its when I am faced with stressful times when I feel myself falling off the wagon. I am down 5 pounds, I can see my six pack, I mean my stomach muscles again. I love riding my bike, it brings me peace. So, an early gift to myself a new bike.

BAD

Thoughts of being touched by the love of my life. The touch that lets every cell in my body know that its ok not to be perfect. Lets me know that it’s ok not to be strong. Lets me know that they are always there. The touch that reminds me that the troubles of the world dont matter as long as its you and me. The touch that relieves, stress, and pain! The touch that has gone away never to return but I still feel it. I still speak to it. I still yearn for it. I still wait for the return, even if its next life time!

New Meds

I have taken the second round for this Avonex! I took better to it this time. I wish I didn’t have to take it. I am on it for now. I think the universe is playing with me and I just wish it would stop. I dont want this medicine and I dont need my past popping up, especially if it’s not for my good! Just like this medicine I’m taking, it has side effects. When I take the medicine, I have chills and I run fevers. When my past pops up it takes me where I dont need to be. I just need to be in a good place so i can deal with my M.S. one day at a time. I think people dont understand that once you have gotten over something it, it starts all over again, when you are

forced to visit those memories! Anyways that’s my rant for today! Running to 99 1/2!

Sadness

I’m on this job working as a casemanger. I love what I do. I come into people’s lives and I take all that is wrong and help find a solution to fix it. I get the difficult cases because I have a way with people. I think today is the first time I hated my job! It is not because of the cases I have but rather the casemangers who do bare minimum. This job requires patience, time, and alot of understanding. If you cant put in a little extra time into helping a family get back together, then your in the wrong business.

My sadness isn’t from any of that previously mentioned. I realized that my heart is plagued with lost. It just seems that, I have the losing end of the stick. I have come to grips with the fact that love has to be given and recieved but I feel like I have been cheated. My heart keeps coming back to this and it is impossible for it to ever manifest. So that leaves me to believe I might be a little insane because I keep coming back to it. Love is a drug and once you have had a sip you want to keep drinking, knowing you will get drunk but you just have to have more!

I not saying anything just feeling emotional!

Keeping this life moving until 99 1/2!

Pharamcy

I made the decision to take medication for my M.S. again. I agreed to the MRI. He doctor ordered my meds. I got the topamate, b12, d 1000mg, baclofen. But, doctor put in the wrong injection meds. So that is on hold by the time these meds come I will be clear again. Then i will not want to take meds again. This life is crazy. Ok so I’m on big girl patrol. One pound at a time, 150 is the goal! The reason to keep pushing till 99 1/2!

New Journey

I’m a certified casemanger as of 07132018. Ok so my thought frame is that when you run from what you are called to do, it pulls you back some how. Well i am also a certified chef. I love cooking and baking! I lost my inspiration for cooking for a while! So i was pulled back into social work. I’m good at it. I think M.S. was a reality check for me. Made me deal with what is real and not what I imagine it could be. Living in the real! Running till 99 1/2.